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Escape from Weihai

Escape from China. I’m gone. It’s over. I made it.

Sweet air of freedom!

On that note, a few things about Weihai driving and food need to get off my chest:

In Weihai…

  • When choosing between a 5 foot bike lane or 20 foot sidewalk, people still choose to walk in the bike lane, increasing their chances of injury or accidental death by a factor of 1000.
  • When driving through heavy traffic, people swerve into the bike lane to speed past the blockage, increasing their chances of murdering a cyclist or pedestrian by a factor of 1000.
  • City buses not only can go the wrong way down one way streets, but do as part of their schedule.
  • Going the wrong way down a one way street is perfectly normal even for a citizen, as long as the driver honks his horn.
  • If you miss your turn while driving down a busy street, you can just back up—after all, everyone will swerve out of your way.
  • Traffic laws are just “guidelines”.
  • One can drive an Audi A6 and reasonably go to work in a pair of 2$ shoes and a 5$ suit. What’s more important is how much your cigarettes cost.
  • A bus isn’t full until people start falling out the windows.
  • Nobody thinks twice about bringing a stepladder to work on the bus… at rush hour.
  • Normal is treating your friend to supper and spending a month’s salary on sea cucumber because it’s “very healthy food”.
  • “You’re getting fat” is a compliment.
  • “You’ve lost weight” is a sincere expression of concern for someone’s health.
  • It’s expected that one should give stern dietary advice to anyone who doesn’t eat exactly the same things everyone else does.
  • Rolling your pants up over you calves and pulling your shirt up over your tumescent man belly while sitting in a restaurant is perfectly acceptable. If it’s really hot the shirt goes up over the nipples.
  • During supper you put empty beer bottles on the floor next to your chair. When you’re all hammered up they’re fun to knock down like bowling pins.
  • While sitting on a plastic shower stool at a streetcorner breakfast kiosk and eating bland rice porridge and donuts cooked in month old twice recycled cooking oil (of a poisonously black hue no less), one can still brag about the wonderful Chinese national cuisine.

Ok, I feel better now.

6 Comments

  1. happy to know more about your feeling about china, the traffic is really fail, especailly in Nanjing, jiangsu province. god, i can not even see those peolple who do not get in the bus on line.

  2. when can you write more about Philippines?

    heihei~~~

  3. Well Mervyn, I’ll tell you this: the traffic in Manila is even more fail than Weihai.

  4. And hey Mervyn, I hope you don’t think I have a hate on for China. I love it too. Well. After 9 years I’d call it love/hate. Honestly, I miss it–although I probably won’t miss it for long after I get back to Canada.

  5. karlis, hey, i am not thinking you hate china, you are telling the truth an it is one part of china.
    by the way, when will you get back to china?

  6. Anyway, I changed the title to “A few things about Weihai” cuz not all of it is characteristic of China in general.

    I’ll be back in China in a year or two probably. I need to get some treatment for the allergies: I developed allergies to soy and corn. I can’t really eat anything there because one or the other of them is inevitably in everything processed, cooked, canned, or prepared in any way. It seems that every single food preservative made on the planet earth has one or the other of them. Even worse, nobody in CHina really cares if ingredients are accurate. And if they make some kind of processed food, they rarely clean the equipment, so even if they don’t use soy or corn, some might come off the machines and get into the food.

    Also, all the cows, pigs, chickens and any farmed fish or shrimp also eat corn. WTF?

    And it’s even worse in America.

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