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It Lives!

Yo.

Yes, I’m finally bloody done: meaning I can finally stop f*%king around with this site. Everything before today was just me trying to figure html out.

And making a website ain’t easy. Figuratively speaking: sometimes even when starting with WordPress and a developed layout you can still end up blowing into a tractor tire using a Twizzler with the ends chewed off.

How long did it take? I started work on this thing in November, 2009, which is why there are already over a year’s worth of posts in the database before I even get to the “hey here’s my new blog” post which you’re presently reading (although most of the time nobody is reading it). Now with all that time gone by you’re wondering what in the name of God is wrong with me… why did it take so long? WTF? I have a damn job is what.

When I started I couldn’t write a single word of web code. Now I can get it on in HTML, CSS, and PHP. Really, learning Chinese was easier.  And this here is design number four.

So then where have the other designs gone?

  • The first one is on the sideline for another website because it didn’t have enough space for photos. And it’s way cool.
  • The second one was hideous.
  • The penultimate design, sadly, is embedded in a slug of molten aluminum where my office computer once was.
  • This one, the final cut, has all told taken almost two weeks of vacation time to implement. But it is done.

So to my daughter Evie: I’m sorry that I have been remiss in my Barbie playing through most of February—but I guess you got the best of me with that walloping you gave me in Monopoly over the last couple of days (and she’s 6 years old guys). Yah, you’ll get over the neglect.

A few interesting things about this critter (ok, so they’re interesting to me, to someone else who makes websites, and to anyone who likes figures of speech which reference suicide and bodily functions):

  • The WordPress theme I’ve bent to my will comes from Elegant Themes and for the record they suck huevos. Their browser compatibility is a calamity: it took me the ugly side of two days to get this thing looking presentable across browsers.
  • That said there’s another name whose vomitous underachievement I’d like to acknowledge. You’re a great man, Bill Gates, and your philanthropy will no doubt get you through the Pearly Gates (ahem) but Microsoft’s Internet Explorer browser is an abscess. Website programming for the last three versions of your browser makes me want to gouge my brain out with an ice cream scoop.
  • For the headings I’m using the “Cuprum” font from Google’s font API, a service that as a web designer I contend is better than chocolate Haagen Daaz laced with heroine and crack cocaine. I think everyone is tired of looking at the same system fonts (for 15 years now) and it’s about time someone filled in the font vacuum. And oh yeah Google Font API is free, which distinguishes it from most of the other font services out there. Nice. Really. Of course there is a classic irony at work here, Google. While you may be generous in providing free fonts off your servers without asking for links and banners in exchange, Google Chrome’s font rendering capability is a decade behind everyone else’s. It’s worse than Internet Explorer. What the flux?
  • Speaking of flux: for those who want to steal my crap, I ditched the ‘tomthumb’ scripts that keep people from copying my pictures and saving them. Really, what the hell… if you want to snarf a photo you can screenshot it anyway. What a useless script. Anyway my shots as posted are compressed jpegs, so have fun. Still, there are licensing terms if you grab them: see the footer, snarfers. And hotlinkers? Hotlinking, the vilest form of snarfing, has been scripted out by yours truly. Just try it. Ha!
  • These are only a few of my “good” photos from the last year. Due to restrictions of the medium (namely your crappy monitors) I have limited myself to widescreen ‘landscape’ oriented shots. It has a certain aesthetic coolness, I suppose, but it’s rather limited. The way I see it a guy doesn’t want to show everything, anyway. Am I right?
  • And oh yeah, I haven’t slept for days.
  • Not only that I haven’t slept for days.
  • Coffee, why did you leave me? Please come home. Your cup is still warm.

Okay, my grumpy time is over. Welcome to the Observer Zero blog, folks.

Karlis

1 Comment

  1. hi, dude. i havn’t read your blog, but leave you the message that i will be here to read your blog and see what is going on.

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